I'll start with a few....

-Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

-When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket

-Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way

iTunes pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song...

:chuck: nuff said

There was some kind of google thing that said something to the effect of:

You dont find Chuck Norris. He finds you.

I thought that was kinda funny :D

There was some kind of google thing that said something to the effect of:

You dont find Chuck Norris. He finds you.

I thought that was kinda funny :D

That is funny....

what is he doing nowadays? Last I saw he is selling exercise equipment?

Yeah me to Scott, some infomercial

These are some of the ones I remember hearing before....

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

Chuck Norris can hold his breath for 7 years...

That is funny....

what is he doing nowadays? Last I saw he is selling exercise equipment?

Yeah some awful rubberband thing.

Then they show a bodybuilder who obviously has spent a lot of time under heavy iron claiming he built his body with rubberbands. :cool:

To many good ones but here are a few of my favs.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.

The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.

When girls have sex with god, they scream CHUCK NORRIS!!

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

SO many good ones.

Though this one was fitting for this site.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

the only man to beat Chuck Norris. Bruce Lee and he's dead.

"Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris." "

"Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris."

"Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. "

"Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry. "

"Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. "

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

When episodes of 'Walker, Texas Ranger' started broadcasting in France, the French surrendered...just to be safe.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Just a bit of trivia, that one is actually Chuck Norris' personal favorite.

One of my favs is:

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was the 4th wiseman and he gave baby Jesus the gift of beard. The other 3 wisemen were jealous and had him written out of the Bible. They all died later of roundhouse-kick-related deaths.

That is funny....

what is he doing nowadays? Last I saw he is selling exercise equipment?

i think hes still making them walker texas ranger shows also but im not completely sure.

Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups, he pushes the ground down.

When god said let there be light chuck norris said 'Say Please'


Chuck Norris can believe its not butter!

The manhattan project didn´t create the a-bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima. It was actually the placenta that held Chuck Norris that was dropped on Hiroshima which in turn caused massive loss of life.

Chuck Norris can grate fresh parmesan cheese with his beard.

-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

I love the counted to infinity twice and the check the closet for Chuck Norris.


When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris


When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

My favorite -

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris can hold his breath for 7 years...

seven years, that's pretty good. i have to hold my breath everytime a certain family (in-law) member is in the room, i've been doin' that for the past 15 years.
dude's got more gas than the local power company.
does that count ?...
ck

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris can sell ice cubes to Eskimos!

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas when he goes to sleep.